.365 days.

i’ve been preparing this post for over 2 weeks. i wanted it to be perfect. i wanted whoever, if anyone, read it to know how lucky we are. i wanted everyone to know how i am the luckiest sister in the world. i’ve added and taken away little things. somethings i dont want every one to know because those are my memories of jonathan that i’m not ready for blog world to know about. so here we go… my attempt to give you a picture of what this year has been like. the thoughts and memories and things that i have sorely missed the past 365 days…

a year. i can’t believe it. how has it been 365 days. its gone so slow but so fast at the same time. its been a year full of what ifs. questions. laughter. tears. lots of tears. anger. confusion.  heartache. so many emotions that i didnt know my body was capable of experiencing in such a short time.  but its also been a year of thankfulness.

it is completely clear to us that we have the greatest family and friends that anyone could ever want and need in their lives. it blows my mind that we are this blessed and lucky. so thank you. thank you for those of you who have loved us unconditionally.  thank you. its not any easier then it was 365 days ago but at some point it will be filled with all of good memories of jonboy. but i do know for a fact we couldnt have done with out you guys.

jonboy. my best friend, biggest fan and one of the most protective people in my life.. i miss you and your humor. your hawaiian shirts. your inappropriate tshirts that now accompany my pj wardrobe. your laughter. your jokes. your phone calls. your walrus dance after scoring a strike in bowling. you always stealing the last dr pepper. and the last crumbled donut. (that i hid from you and when i found it wished i would have just let you have it). i miss hearing you hobble down the stairs when you were on crutches, even though it woke me up and made me mad. i miss giving each other that certain look in the middle of church at the same time every sunday… because we knew exactly what each other was thinking. i love that you fell in love with st anthony’s and convinced us all to start going there. it was truly a work of god in your heart to somehow prepare us for this, because they have loved us so well the past year. i miss you dancing with me at weddings. i miss how you would always let me hang out with you and your friends. i miss telling you all my secrets. i miss how in college i got really upset about something and you sat with me and told me to stand up for myself and not let it get me down. i miss you trying to get me to try room temperature jack and coke. you would be proud now… thats the only drink i order. turning wii games into drinking games… just the two of us… talking smack to each other. going in on gifts for mom and dad together. visiting you at work when i would stop by the mall.  you surprising me with IMO’s pizza on my birthday. i miss you making sure i had someone to sit by at lunch in 10th grade when we moved to south carolina. even if that meant you had to give up sitting with the soccer guys and had to sit in the hallway because i hadnt made friends yet. i miss you introducing me to the latest and greatest music that justin would share with you so that i would be ahead of the crowd. i miss spending new years with you and acting ridiculous and waking up the next morning and crying because we felt so miserable and telling stories upon stories of everything that happened. because lets get real… it was hilarious. i miss you hitting the golfball like happy gilmore. i miss going to the pool with you in the summer and bringing our own thermos. i miss your pep talks when i go on internships across the country and you filling my bag with saved by the bell dvds to keep me company on the flight. i miss being able to go skiing with you in utah. and how david trash talks to me about not wanting to do blue diamonds as if he is talking to you… i have to remind him that im a girl and have feelings…. you were just hardcore and had no fear.  i miss arguing with you over silly stuff. i miss how much it bothered you if i had a bad day. i think i miss you filling up the dvr with cartoons…. even though you were 24..i miss how you would give me a hard time about boys. i miss you singing frank sinatra and michael buble around the house. i miss how you would always take mom to go see harry potter movies. striker jr. misses the way you would let him jump up on you and dance around the kitchen. i mean he REALLY misses you because our guests dont love when he does that…  just plain and simple we miss you sunshine.

im sooooooo lucky that i can now carry you around in my heart.. wherever i go.  i can still hear you give me advice. i can still hear you laughing as hard as you were on february 19th. keep it real up there papa smurf. and thanks for keeping those certain friends that have loved me so well this past year in your life. their doing a great job of protecting me. i know you’re proud. love you jonathan michael.

“always remember, there was nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name”- avett brothers

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10 Responses to “.365 days.”


  1. 1 jennifer veal February 19, 2010 at 11:55 pm

    wow, christine. i don’t think anyone could have said that any better. can’t wait to see you in the morning and just give you a big old hug. you ever need anything, you know where to find me.

  2. 2 Lauren February 20, 2010 at 1:45 am

    Just as you were lucky to call Jonathan a brother and a son and a friend, he was equally lucky to have you in his life. To be loved like he was loved? What a glorious thing. I so admire your strength and bravery and I’m so fortunate to have you in my life. My thoughts, as always, are with you and your family this weekend.

    LYLAS,
    LTrain

  3. 3 Juli February 20, 2010 at 10:13 am

    Christine – What a beautiful tribute to Jonathan and yourself. Many people never experience that kind of love and for you two to share that and have such beautiful memories is a glorious thing. Stay strong, girl! I love you!

  4. 4 Manning February 20, 2010 at 10:54 am

    Christine,

    What a great tribute to your brother on this bittersweet weekend. I am an only child so I have no clue what kind of relationship you two shared, but it seems as if you have SO much to be thankful for, and I know you are. You are such a strong and beautiful young woman. Keep smiling & hold your head high!

    The sun is shining bright and it’s finally warming up where I am..and I always say that angels have a way with the weather. Many thoughts and prayers will be sent your way this weekend as well as all the days ahead. I would love to see you soon!!XOXO

  5. 5 Rene Platten February 20, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    What a beautiful way to share your relationship with Jonathan. From your pen to Jonathan’s ears. The good thing is that he already knew how much he meant to you. You are blessed as are all of us are who know your family. Your all in our thoughts and prayers this weekend.

  6. 6 Julie February 20, 2010 at 4:15 pm

    Christine,

    This is such a beautiful way to honor your brother and to honor the struggles of this past year. I am so proud of you and I love that you are able to share so much of your heart and your thoughts with all of us who care so much about you. I am preparing to go to mass and I’ve invited a friend to come with me especially because it’s a mass dedicated to Jonathan and I’d also like to share this day honoring him, remembering him, and celebrating his life with others! I love you and I’m really glad that the Oxford community will join me in praying for Jonathan, you and your family so that we can send powerful love and prayers your way!

    Prayers and love!
    Julie

  7. 7 The Pcsolars February 20, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    Christine, Justin, Marian and Nick,

    A hard day for sure today. We lit a candle in our church, St. Barbara’s, last week in Jonathan’s memory.

    We did not get to spend time with you three as you grew into young adults, but so many lovely memories are with us always about you when you were children while we lived in S.C.

    You see, that way, none of you were ever grow old,none of you will ever be sick, and none of you were ever truly be gone in our hearts!

    Those we love are never really lost to us–
    we feel them in so many special ways–
    through friends they always cared about
    and dreams they left behind,
    in beauty that they added to our days……
    in words of wisdom we still carry with us
    and memories that never will be gone…
    Those we love
    are never really lost to us–
    for everywhere their special love lives on.

    In loving memory of Jonathan Michael LeGrand
    2/20/09

  8. 8 Mary LeGrand February 21, 2010 at 12:03 am

    Christine,
    What a beautiful tribute to your Jonathan. We have been talking about him all day ( laughing and crying) He will always be with us. Maggie saw a rainbow this morning on the way to work and knew that was Jon Boy saying ” Good Morning” Love and Prayers to you Honey!!!

  9. 9 Alesya Belskaya February 22, 2010 at 5:55 pm

    So special, beautiful, and touching. Thank you for sharing your special moments with all of us! THANK YOU!

  10. 10 sharon clark March 7, 2010 at 9:55 pm

    you are incredible. what a heart you have toots. you make the world a better place. hugs!


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